Anyone who says they do not have an argument at any point in their relationship is either lying, or blissfully unaware that one partner in a relationship is not getting the same. Any healthy relationship will have pitfalls, including arguments, from petty squabbling to blazing rows (although the latter should not be happening too often.) It’s how we deal with these arguments that pave the way for the future of our relationship and show our partners that we are ready to admit our faults.
The biggest mistake people can do is try and avoid an argument altogether. Sometimes, we need to be heard, just as our partners do. And if either of us is afraid to speak up, that’s not a great sign. If we are assertive and at the same time diplomatic, a debate turning into an argument and will remain civil and balanced. When we allow others to speak uninterrupted, and politely request they do the same for us, everyone gets their say. The key and the hard part is to actually have the confidence to say in the first place, “we need to talk.”
When we allow arguments to get out of hand, we have immediately weakened the chance of a successful resolution and our partners will be afraid to raise issues in the future. It also brings out an uglier side of us that doesn’t reflect out true selves.
Once all the shouting and hurling of insults has finished, it’s also important to step back, calm down and realise when the argument is over, regardless of whether we feel like we’ve won (consider the prize if you think you did, and whether it was worth it) or lost, let our partner know that we still love them despite what’s happened, and move on. The relationship will have weathered another storm and will be stronger for it.
Arguments are an unfortunate reality in any relationship. It is not about avoiding them, it is not about getting them over quickly. It is about recognising something needs to be said, saying it, agreeing a solution and moving forward.
